


2x First Time Combo

by emilyenrose



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-26
Updated: 2011-08-26
Packaged: 2017-10-23 02:35:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/245341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyenrose/pseuds/emilyenrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>hey uh i dunno if youre really super entitled to my womanly flower here pyrope you didnt even take me dancing, you say.</p>
            </blockquote>





	2x First Time Combo

So what happens is that you're just chillin like a villain maybe laying down some ill rhymes and ms crazyteeth mcpsychopants appears out of fucking nowhere and starts shedding her shit all over the place, not just shedding it but also shredding it, those fucking claws are like having a fistful of nonshitty swords, and you're maybe flipping your shit a little here and also vetoing handjobs forever -

Her teeth shine in the dark like a fucking lantern fish in the deeps, look out kiddo here comes the vore. She's got a snicker like a machine gun rattle which sounds about as final. She's also got tits, just like hanging out there, being all rounded and shit. Only two tits in case you were thinking troll anatomy was gonna go in for the infinite nippleorama nightmare.

Whoa. Tits.

hey uh i dunno if youre really super entitled to my womanly flower here pyrope you didnt even take me dancing, you say.

Then she's on you like she's a white robe and you're the kkk and you figure out later that's the third time from her point of view. This time shit is bogus.  
_

What was the first time from her pov is whatever from yours, does anyone think you have time to take notes? Writing in your little girl diary with a big pink heart lock like lalonde, dear diary today I did the horizontal hemp fandango with a kinky alien trollbitch for the 107th time, she took the smoky belchings of my mighty power station into her outer atmosphere, gonna need an environmental cleanup team to dump cold water over the fallout.

Nah. You are way too cool a kid for that shit. But you figure your girl likes justice and you're owed some damn justice for the rape of your goddamn innocence so you're gonna go rape hers or whatever. You do your re-re-wind and bo selecta your way right back to what you figure's gotta be the start, like two days before the first time you met her.

You aren't banking on taking the chick by surprise because she's a motherfucking seer and you know better.

ooh mr coolkid, are you here to do romance to me? she says. And she does that goddamn giggle which seriously makes you want to shoot yourself just right in the face like this is a snuff porno now. Pyrope wrinkles her nose and it crumples like, is her whole face just made of kleenex, why bother having a nose at all, and she says, you smell delicious. lets do the earth nasty dave.

Fuck it that was your line. Oh well plan b.

nah, you say.

you can leave your shades on, says Pyrope.

i always leave my shades on, you say.

well if you don't want to do the earth nasty dave then why did you even bother showing up?

im gonna take you dancing, you say. its an earth culture thing. before you can take a girl for a ride on your rod of infinite ape mastery youve gotta make her dance.

Pyrope looks confused, aw yeah. The coolkid wins this round. cmon princess psychobitch time for your disney moment, you say.

but dave, Pyrope objects, where are we going to go dancing in the wreckage of a ruined universe? i think you are being a bit silly!

You decide not to talk to her anymore.

You take her dancing on a meteorite and then you have the most fucking romantic first time in the history of romantic first time fucking, because you are the king of getting this shit right and also you have the advantage of already knowing exactly what she likes. You are the orgasm meister. It is you.

so uh tz maybe in a couple of days remember this shit when you see me, you say afterwards.

troll first times are supposed to be a terrifyingly confusing blur of panic and genitalia, she says.

huh, you say. then i guess actually you get it right. never mind.


End file.
